Still alive

"It’s the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more."

"There are all kinds of courage. It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to our enemies, but just much more to stand up to our friends."

"We must try not to sink beneath our anguish, but battle on."

"It is our choices, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."

"Differences of habit and language are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open."

"You fail to recognize that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be."

"Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light."

"It's a strange thing, but when you are dreading something, and would give anything to slow down time, it has a disobliging habit of speeding up."

"If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals."

"According to Madam Pomfrey, thoughts could leave deeper scarring than almost anything else."

Kissing GoodBye..

For the normal eyes, it’s just an old building ,the paint is faded, the doors make noises, the taps leak, the grills have started to rust, the mosaic chips are broken. You can open the maroon gate, enter the building, you reach the hall, maybe the most or atleast one of the most messy places you have ever seen. There would be a lotta books and old newspapers on the teapoy ,the days newspaper with each sheet separated on the couch, teeny weeny things on the window sills. You take the stairway on the left side go up the 16 stairs, turn to the right and you are standing in fronta the room of fantasies, there’s a sticker on the door saying .."Brain is Working,Don’t Disturb"..just a virtual definition,read it as "Mind is Building Castles in Air, Don’t Disturb". Turn the knob and you are in the land of dreams, the messy paradise. There would be a table and a chair on your left. You may need time to find the chair as you see it as a pile of clothes. An almirah on the side, don’t try opening it as the clothes inside may bounce out. The only thing which is okey dokey is the book shelf on the other side, the bottom right corner of the shelf contains materials on ganguly ,the childhood hero(sensing the frown on the readers face). There is a poster of Shah rukh on the wall, never been an SRK fan, still the poster has been there for years as the remembrance of a friend. The ‘Balarama ‘ sticker on the switch board downstairs brings memories from the good old childhood days. This is the place where I have been living for the past 15 years. My home, sweet home. There is no place equivalent to it in the whole universe. The place is so familiar that i can walk around with my eyes closed. But all good things must come to an end. Saw these lines somewhere “Change is the essence of life .Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.” And its time to surrender. There wont be anymore of star-gazing..all the way staring at the open text book in my room, lying on the couch downstairs..watching tv and falling asleep, taking the keyboard to the bed behind when I feel lazy even to sit, watching the rain from the balcony and running inside when it thunders, climbing the steep stairs to the terrace, eavesdropping on the once in a while chat between amma and susan aunty, going to swapachi’s place to have a little chit chat, returning back because there was a doggy on the way, finally her coming here and picking me up. Gonna miss all those. Gonna miss the doggy who wags its tail even when I run back home seeing it. But its time to kiss everything goodbye and so I am…

ENLIGHTENED!

This is quite different from my usual blogs. ie, not writing for the sake of it or due to friends pressurizing to update or bcoz I think its really long since I posted. My first blog entry which is written on an impulse. The first time I switched on the pc and doing something else before logging in the messenger!
Let me update you on whts happening around. My latest featherbrained concern’s my face. It’s about 2 months since the “tragedy” began! Not gonna babble about those days in detail. In short I’m having some acne problems on my cheek and i am down with all the queries I am getting. People still utter stuff like..hey..you’ve got some problem on your cheek(Yeah,like I dunno…after sittin gloomy about it for 2 months). I had to explain it to a double dozen people and the worst part is I dint even know the cause. Nowadays I just shrug when someone starts asking about it. I am not much of a beauty conscious person..but even strangers started to enquire and their sympathetic stares and condolements made me uncomfortable.Thus I have been sulking about my face for a long time now, keeping my long face even longer. And my stupid friends, instead of giving a whack on my head,were consoling me. Today was no different either. Classes got over at 4 and its quite a walk to the bus stop. Waited till 4 50 for the bus. The usually empty bus was congested today. Cursing myself, whining about how my life sucked, covered in sweat I stood there hoping that the sitting people would get off on the next stop. I was staring at the girl in the seat, envying her cheeks, sulking about mine…asking inside Why God? Why me? She was pleasant and smiled when I sat near her. The girl standing next to me was talking to her. I sensed something weird about their conversation as the girl near me was only mouthing the words. And then seeing her use the sign language I realised that she cant talk. I suddenly felt guilty and uncomfortable. I was ashamed of myself, realized how silly I was acting. I felt sorry for the girl, but realized that she doesn’t need my sympathy. I really wished she would talk one day. Thus here I am today, first sad , then frustrated, then pissed and finally enlightened!
This isn’t a unique incident which cleared my vision. Somedays ago my ma was ill and some crucial tests were done to diagnose the disease. That was one time I realized what the actual worries in life were. The day I knew about it ,I prayed like I’ve never prayed.I realized that nothing matters to me more than her..my life ,my comforts ,my career…NOTHING! Thanks to the Almighty she is safe now. But such incidents helps us to appreciate what we have and to realize how much of a valuable position others occupy in our life.

Posting for the sake of posting!

Series exams this week and so im back to blogging..was watching Swades with CHD notebook on my lap, have seen the movie before in theatre..still it’s the days before the xam afterall…had only DD earlier and I get soo desperate the days before the xams that I used to watch even shaktimaan before my 10th public xam..sigh.
But this is one of the movies I liked. Yeah,I agree that it wasn’t a major hit. Mainly because Ashutosh Gawarikar after Lagaan +SRK, the hype generated was huge! It wasn’t a complete commercial movie …but I would sit through this one a 100 times rather than watch Veer Zara once more. I was dumbfounded when they gave the best actor award to SRK for Veer Zara over Swades. Cmeon, this was one movie where he dint seem like he’s suffering from parkinson’s disease. The movie is too realistic. I was surprised to find out that there are still villages where there is no electricity in India,when I first saw the movie. And was moved by a scene in which a boy sells water for 25 ps. in the railway station. Why do people prefer lovey-dovey stuff over such materiality? k3g is going on in another channel-8-..to tell u the truth ,the only thing I am interested in these type is the costumes and watching the luxorious ambience maybe. The movie(Swades) did better in south I guess. ARR’s music is marvelous (as usual). A review for the movie isn’t what I intended to write..but ended up like this. Maybe I would add a picture too. Back to my “studies”then..Adieu.

T.A.G - Part I

I am no different from anyone who did this tag before-as bored as ever. So all the bored ones in the world,come read this and enlighten your lives by knowing when i yawned last time or blinked my eyes. Going straight to the questionnaire as my fans are awaiting:D

1. Grab the book nearest to you turn to page 18 and find line 4
When India became independent,it was divided into India and Pakistan.
..................from sister's textbook:D.

2. Stretch your arm out as far as possible
.....Done.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Took a glance at the TV while i was having tea. Amooma was watching some mega serial in DD.Thaloolam...or was it saagaram:-?

4. Without looking guess what time it is:
6 pm :-?

5. Now look at the time, what is the actual time?
5.44 pm

6. With the exception of the computer what can you hear?
'Yeh taara woh taara' and some prayer song is playing on the temple near by:)

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Went to swapna chechi's home earlier and spend the afternoon there.

8. Before this survey what did you look at?
The blogger boy's blog:)

9. What are you wearing?
A black n violet mixed salwar kameez.

damn...power went ....would continue after a break!
&**&^%..i cant even copy this thing to save. Thank god..CTRL+ C worked.

Guess who's back after having hot samosa's and a candle light bath ;;) (ya, freebird was right..a bath once in a while feels good). So back to business.

10. Did you dream last night?
Seldom do i remember my dreams. I do day dream 24*7 though!


11. When did you last laugh?
I think i did at swapna chechi's today:-?...else laughed a lot yesterday, watching superman and during the lunch with my friends.

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Paint would do???


13. Seen anything weird lately?
I saw Anand yesterday.

14. What do you think of this quiz?
Nice for killing time.

15. What is the last film you saw?
Philadeliphia....nice one:)

16. If you became a multimillionaire what would you buy?
*thinking*.....*still thinking*.....damn..i'm sooo ambitionless...I dont have anything to do with a million...well..had plans to go shopping with my friends...wudve liked to have some 200 bucks for that.

17. Tell me something about you that I don’t know.
Hmmmm...cant find anything...my life is an open book.

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
I would wanna invent time machine

19. Do you like to dance?
When there's none around,yeah i do:D

20. George Bush.
No comments.

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what would you call her?
I like the name 'Nandini' much..I know its quite old fashioned and no,its not a cows name X-(...though I havent decided yet...afterall its my baby's name...have to consider all sides

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what would you call him?
I had thought that i would let'him' name if its a boy....now that you ask me, I would like the name 'Nikhil'. And i wanted a gal ,though every horoscope kinda thing tells me that i would have 2 boys:((


23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
Maybe for some time.Not settling there.

24. What do you want GOD to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
That i get the power to go and visit my beloved ones back in the earth and be with them,invisible maybe.

Now i get to tag all my tag hater friends...beginning with rj(:D),ken,sk,devi,priya.

Adios Teens

Guess who’s getting outta teens and stepping into womanhood. Yeah, you got it right. I turned 20 today. Happy birthday to me!!! Was just taking a backward glance, on my past b’days. Wondering about the changes that occurred in my attitude towards the birthday. Was always excited about the birthday in my childhood(evry kid is..i know:D). when I was a kid, I’ve always wanted to get older and be the role model for younger cousins. You know how the li’l kids look upon their big bro’s n sis with great admiration and follow them everywhere around..i always used to do tht and wanted to grow fast to be on the other side n play the ‘jaada’ elder one. Similar was the case with my teenage as well. Wanted to become ‘sweet seventeen’ from the beginning of the teens itself. But a major part of my teens went uneventful. Not that the left part was blooming with love or something. But then the latter part was blessed with the jubilance of friendship. Think I’ve been quite lucky there. The friends I had were always pretty close ones.
Unlike other birthdays, I’m numb towards this one. Thts coz the pros and cons cancel each other. I am getting outta my teens. The end of another phase in my life. Looking back I wonder if I enjoyed it to the fullest. Ofcourse the answer is no. But then those days would never come back. I’m becoming 20 and remember one of my friends saying that it’s a mile stone in a gal’s life. Now that I think about it , it might be true. It wont be long before that I would’ve to leave this place and my beloved ones and go live in an ambience where everything would be alien to me. Where I wont be able to sleep till sun strikes my face, stay infront of the pc until sun rises, grab whatever eatables you can find and go lie in the couch watching t v, come up with weird ideas of spending( to be read as wasting) time and many more. Some of you might be having the opinion that there wont be much difference after marriage as well. I don’t agree. I am not claiming that the in-laws would be the cruel ones like you see in mega serials. But still none wont be the same as your ma. The other day I had an argument with ma over the topic that ‘shadi ke baad beti parayi ho jaati hai’. And I was soo surprised and pained to learn that she agreed to that statement. I had always thought that whatever comes in life, we would always be their babies. But was shocked to know that by marriage what they mean is that I am losing my place in my family,where I always belonged and lived for some quarter century. She was like you can visit anytime you want and all. But still..that’s not what I want. Sighhh . anyway I am not becoming much sentimental. For better or worse I turned twenty today. And I cant help it either,as time and tide doesn’t wait for me either…
P.S: my bday was 2 days ago. We were having candlelight celebrations everywhere as there was no power supply for the whole town for almost 2 days and hence the delay in posting.

Forbidden fruit tastes more!!!

Now that the exams are over,I am jobless here. Not that while I was having exams I was studying 24*7. But life was soo cool then. I had something to look forward to. This was one exam where I dint find myself yelling..I HATE EXAMS,every night before the exam. But isn’t it amazing that the things you give the least important otherwise, seems so appealing and inviting on those exam days. Like I never had much contact with the tv,since I got the net connection. But the day before my co (one of the most vast subject ive got) exam,I wanted to watch the bakra soo badly. When I was finished with that,then came this really cheesy show and I couldn’t help but watch it. I then concluded that I wasn’t giving tv enough time and that I am craving for those tv shows and even maybe the soap operas and decided to spend a whole lot of time in front of the tv after the exams. And believe me,I did try to sit and watch tv. But I cant find one interesting thing there. But then why blame the poor channels..i cant find one interesting thing in this whole world!!! It’s only the second day of the vaccation and the word BOREDOM has found a whole new meaning. I have tried everything possible..books,net tv,friends..nothing is working! During the exams we never had to search for a topic to talk about…it was a flow. But now feels like there is nothing to talk about. Life is so damn empty and I have got a month more to spend. If I cant even take a month of vacation, then it horrifies to think what I am gonna do after 2 years, after the end of my academic days. Hope I would somehow adapt to the situation. I know exactly that after this one month passes away, I would be dying to get these days back. But I cant help feeling this way. Life’s soo dull :((. I am gonna try out things like visiting some friends place(yeah, they are the one who is gonna suffer...khi khi),going to some movies and stuff…hope it will work or just lookout for the news of this 19 year old angelic charming delicate mademoiselle dying out of extreme boredom and world weariness..sigh!!!
P.S: I had written this post few days back and something came up and dint post then,but the best part is that i 'm still alive..hip hip hurraaayyy!!!